So life has been coming at me pretty fast. I’ve been coming to the end of a job i’ve been working for over 8 months. Its crunch time and the hours I am working are slowly out weighting the hours I’m not. Between working Saturdays and with the loom threat of them moving into Sundays too, I’ve begun to lose focus on a few things just trying to make the deadline. That being said, a lot of things are in the works that I want to get going on.
A few weeks ago I told you I was going to begin a segment on the blog about living a life modified by working conjure as much as I could. Really digging in and deciding what I could do to better my situation. Now to begin my situation isn’t that bad. I have an apartment, I live with a girlfriend who is very open and excited about working with me on several of my spiritual projects and I’m coming into my own as a root worker in my local area. The thing that keeps coming to my mind is that I’m not where I wanted to be 4 years ago. That was when I decided to finally take the reigns of my life and start making choices that -I- wanted instead of what make the least amount of waves. I used to have a serious problem with that, but I digress. I went to conjure to push forward with my life at mach speeds. To attempt to make up for lost time so to speak. Well it worked a tad to well…
A month or so ago I worked a pretty simple candle working for prosperity. Something most folks do in attempts to get a leg up on life. I also asked for my spirituality to blossom into what I used to have and always wanted to keep. I believe Fire Lyte called in the Child Like Innocence and Belief. Well what I got was 10+ hours of over time sporadically coming to me pretty much whenever I needed money for a project for my spirituality. Its been so odd. I discover I want to do something that’s a little bit outside of my price range? Boom, enough over time to cover it and then some. Which has been great honestly, I’ve been getting hours toward finishing to my journeymen status and have had plenty of money to cover my expenses. Its just becoming a bit over whelming. Its like that old adage, “Your rich because you work so much you don’t have time to spend it”. Well I need some time to relax!
I know soon these problems will be in the past, all of the over time disappearing as the job winds down to completion and then i’ll have more time to study the books i’ve been able to purchase that i’ve been putting off for so long. Its been strange there too however because i’ve quickly discovered that my path isn’t what I believed it to be. I still love the idea of being Wiccan and the life I could lead doing it, its just that when it comes down to it. I haven’t been able to find what I am looking for. I need a closer more personal connection with Deity (Be it God and Goddess, Bonyey, Nzambi or Olidamere). I thought becoming a true priest would make me feel closer, would allow deity to directly contact me. Through dreams, feelings, visions, etc. I know I had felt so close to him just a few months ago…but has that feeling faded to the point where I can’t even remember such an embrace? Well, this is the part where you come in. My readers and listeners. I want to know what you think. How does deity or its equality in your faith touch you? What happens with your practice that makes you say, “Yes, this is for me and this is specifically mine. This is why I pay tributes and worship”. Feel free to email me and perhaps we can put together a show to help folks who are where I am now. The crossroads and waiting for a sign to point out the right direction to turn.
-SilverShadow
